Superhero #92

by xi_le on 07/7/2013

Dear Janice,

It’s been a long hiatus. I admit I was distracted, with adapting, with work, with work, with work, with work… You get the drift.

Watching man of steel reminds me of my childhood ambition, to be a superhero. Deep down somewhere, I want to be that superman/xmen/batman to beat the bad guy, save the city and get the girl. Too bad, I will not be one. It proves so dearly, with that 2 clashes with the twins recently.

Reacting to questions and comments I don’t agree/understand has become justification and defense to my mistakes and ignorance. I placed too much emotions in work, which is the only thing I am proud of in this world. I placed much time and effort to shield the people I love from harm, hurt, insults, troubles and inconveniences. What I get is you are not thinking about users or you should think twice, or you should rest. No, that is not how a superhero will end up.

I recalled we talked about this before. I will not be a superhero, face the truth. Only God will be. Yet, the little desire in me keeps burning and jumping every opportunity to become one.

I don’t save the city, neither do I get the girl. Truths are harsh.

Today, I talked to a ABC, visiting the church and shared my testimony. God has been faithful, really faithful. It reminded me why I love what I am doing

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Just realized I am still talking about me, I and myself. These few weeks after the melancholy were reminders not to seek humans’ affirmation but only His. And precisely that, I started speaking up, but seems like a really wrong move. From today onwards, I am going to practice slow to speak, quick to listen. I am going to be like Jesus, clam and cool always even during storms.

I will fail, no doubt. If God didn’t give up on me, why shld I? Today, during Dim Sum lunch before guitar lesson, Takako and I had a revelation. Why are we always so quick to believe the devil’s lies but so hesitant to trust the truth God says? Salah, right? truths are supposed to be easier to believe.

The devil is trying to break the unity in the team, and I am letting him. Tsk, fell into his plot again. Thank God the twins are more rooted in Him than I am. Thank God I am not God.

Humility, broken and contrite spirit He does not despise. I guess it’s back to square one,a broken and contrite heart.

Thank you for your big ears ever.

Ur mulberry dancer.

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